This week Carl & I ‘celebrated’ our third wedding anniversary. By celebrated, I mean that Carl went to work, I went to playgroup and ran some errands and after Henry went to bed we exchanged cards before watching Coronation Street on the sofa with a cup of tea – who said romance was dead? Anyway, after three years of marriage and one as parents, I’ve been reflecting on a thing or two I’ve learnt:
Men like to be looked after.
This becomes all the more apparent when you have children and your priority is looking after them – you know, the little people who need your constant attention so they don’t accidentally kill themselves, as opposed to the fully grown man who just wants your attention.
But they’re also quite easily pleased, if you can be bothered.
No, I’m not talking about rumpy-pumpy…. this isn’t that kind of blog, not least because my mum reads it. But little things, like making a cup of tea or bringing home Carls favourite crisps makes his day.
They’re not so great with the sympathy…
Don’t tell a man a story and expect to be met with a sympathetic response. They’ll either tell you they’ve had a worse day – just why is everything a competition?! – or tell you what to do as if it’s the most obvious solution in the world, eg. ‘just ignore them.’
…But they are great at maintaining perspective and rationality…
There’s only one person in this house who brings the melo-drama and it’s *ahem* the one doing the typing.
…unless they’re in the car.
Expect road rage. Ignore the road rage. Although it’s only annoying you, not the person who’s just cut them up. It’s not aimed at you, it’s aimed at the person who just cut them up. Earphones are handy.
They say what they mean.
I might say I don’t mind if he goes out on Saturday. But I do mind a bit because we like having him around on a weekend. But I’ll insist that I don’t mind because I want to be a good wife. Or if he asks if I’m ok I’ll say, ‘I’m fine’. But what I really mean is, ‘I’m a bit pissed off because you left crisp wrappers all over the kitchen table again but I’m not going to tell you that’s why I’m pissed off because you should realise it for yourself, so I’ll just say I’m fine until you guess what’s wrong’. A man on the other hand, will just tell you straight.
Sleep deprivation is the root of all arguments…
You never even bickered before you had a baby and suddenly EVERYTHING annoys you because you’re both exhausted. Carl copes with tiredness with quietness. I’m a little more emotional. Also men still look good when they’re tired – what IS that?!
…but watching your husband grow into fatherhood is indescribable.
Henry’s all about his Daddy at the moment. He clings to him before he goes to work and he jumps with excitement when he comes home. He shouts, ‘Dada’ every time he sees a van and watching Carl read and talk to him, play with him and nap with him, developing the bond they have now is amazing and I love him even more for the incredible Daddy he is. It almost makes me forget that he leaves his dirty clothes in the bottom of his wardrobe and complains they’ve not been washed. Almost.
They need nagging disguised as gentle instruction.
Or nothing gets done. I think they actually thrive off it. What’s the saying…behind every great man is a great woman?
Daddy is always going to bring the fun.
In our case it might be because he sees less off him, so Carl has the novelty factor. Or it could be that he throws him around and lets him eat biscuits before breakfast…
Sometimes it’s easier just to let the little things go.
Who wants to argue about emptying the dishwasher everyday? Although it’s easier said than done when you’re existing on four hours broken sleep, the most important thing in a marriage is each other, not winning a tally of how many times you’ve had to take the bin out.
They make us laugh even when we don’t want to.
It’s really annoying but Carl really knows how to break my poker face.
If they run you a bath on a Saturday afternoon it’s probably because they want you out of the way to watch football.
Not that I’m arguing…
Have you got any learnings to share?