Things I’ve Learnt About Men & Marriage

Wedding photo with sunsetThis week Carl & I ‘celebrated’ our third wedding anniversary. By celebrated, I mean that Carl went to work, I went to playgroup and ran some errands and after Henry went to bed we exchanged cards before watching Coronation Street on the sofa with a cup of tea – who said romance was dead? Anyway, after three years of marriage and one as parents, I’ve been reflecting on a thing or two I’ve learnt:

Men like to be looked after.

This becomes all the more apparent when you have children and your priority is looking after them – you know, the little people who need your constant attention so they don’t accidentally kill themselves, as opposed to the fully grown man who just wants your attention.

But they’re also quite easily pleased, if you can be bothered. 

No, I’m not talking about rumpy-pumpy…. this isn’t that kind of blog, not least because my mum reads it. But little things, like making a cup of tea or bringing home Carls favourite crisps makes his day.

They’re not so great with the sympathy…

Don’t tell a man a story and expect to be met with a sympathetic response. They’ll either tell you they’ve had a worse day – just why is everything a competition?! – or tell you what to do as if it’s the most obvious solution in the world, eg. ‘just ignore them.’

…But they are great at maintaining perspective and rationality…

There’s only one person in this house who brings the melo-drama and it’s *ahem* the one doing the typing.

…unless they’re in the car. 

Expect road rage. Ignore the road rage. Although it’s only annoying you, not the person who’s just cut them up. It’s not aimed at you, it’s aimed at the person who just cut them up. Earphones are handy.

They say what they mean.

I might say I don’t mind if he goes out on Saturday. But I do mind a bit because we like having him around on a weekend. But I’ll insist that I don’t mind because I want to be a good wife. Or if he asks if I’m ok I’ll say, ‘I’m fine’. But what I really mean is, ‘I’m a bit pissed off because you left crisp wrappers all over the kitchen table again but I’m not going to tell you that’s why I’m pissed off because you should realise it for yourself, so I’ll just say I’m fine until you guess what’s wrong’. A man on the other hand, will just tell you straight.

Sleep deprivation is the root of all arguments…

You never even bickered before you had a baby and suddenly EVERYTHING annoys you because you’re both exhausted. Carl copes with tiredness with quietness. I’m a little more emotional. Also men still look good when they’re tired – what IS that?!

…but watching your husband grow into fatherhood is indescribable.

Henry’s all about his Daddy at the moment. He clings to him before he goes to work and he jumps with excitement when he comes home. He shouts, ‘Dada’ every time he sees a van and watching Carl read and talk to him, play with him and nap with him, developing the bond they have now is amazing and I love him even more for the incredible Daddy he is. It almost makes me forget that he leaves his dirty clothes in the bottom of his wardrobe and complains they’ve not been washed. Almost.

They need nagging disguised as gentle instruction.

Or nothing gets done. I think they actually thrive off it. What’s the saying…behind every great man is a great woman?

Daddy is always going to bring the fun.

In our case it might be because he sees less off him, so Carl has the novelty factor. Or it could be that he throws him around and lets him eat biscuits before breakfast…

Sometimes it’s easier just to let the little things go.

Who wants to argue about emptying the dishwasher everyday? Although it’s easier said than done when you’re existing on four hours broken sleep, the most important thing in a marriage is each other, not winning a tally of how many times you’ve had to take the bin out.

They make us laugh even when we don’t want to.

It’s really annoying but Carl really knows how to break my poker face.

If they run you a bath on a Saturday afternoon it’s probably because they want you out of the way to watch football.

Not that I’m arguing…

 

Have you got any learnings to share?

http://nowmynameismummy.com/?p=983&preview=true Tips for a happy marriage

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27 Comments

  1. March 4, 2017 / 9:03 am

    They really do like to be looked after, don’t they? I do think that they like to take care of us too though, so that’s always nice. I do also wish I was not always loading the dishwasher though. He tells me that he’s not good at telling whether the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or not. Great excuse! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 5, 2017 / 7:41 pm

      Yeh they do take care of us, in a different way! I get the ‘I don’t know where anything goes’ excuse. Erm… don’t you live here too?! x

  2. March 4, 2017 / 9:20 am

    You have just perfectly described my marriage! I am so guilty of the whole ‘I’m fine!’ lie, haha. Love this post xx #fortheloveofblog

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 5, 2017 / 7:40 pm

      Thank you for your comment! We all do it don’t we?! x

      • March 14, 2017 / 7:14 pm

        Back again from #BlogCrush.. you have been linked up as a fave post, congrats 🙂 xx

  3. March 4, 2017 / 9:09 pm

    Sweet. I agree about the rational perspective…except if it’s related to them. Ha! #FortheloveofBlog

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 5, 2017 / 7:39 pm

      Haha yes, I should have added that point! x

  4. March 4, 2017 / 11:06 pm

    I love the rational bit, unless they are in a car, this is so my husband too! #KCACOLS

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 5, 2017 / 7:39 pm

      Haha, it must be a man thing. Drives me mad in the car! x

  5. March 5, 2017 / 9:04 am

    Ah you are so right! Although my hubby won’t say it how it is and I do so we’re slightly different there! #KCACOLS

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 5, 2017 / 7:38 pm

      Thank you for commenting! x

  6. March 5, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    I’m divorced so maybe I could have done with reading these tips a few years back – lol! Thanks for sharing your post on #fortheloveofBLOG

  7. March 6, 2017 / 10:01 pm

    I couldnt have said it myself! i have to be careful when we row as if he has to drive somewhere post row he drives crazy fast hahah oops!
    i do love him watching sport as i get to go on my laptop without being moaned at that im ignoring him! he’s such a girl! #KCACOLS

  8. March 7, 2017 / 3:16 pm

    Can definitely relate to this. I get so super annoyed when my husband makes me laugh when I am trying to be in a mood with him!! I wouldn’t change him for the world though!

    #KCACOLS

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 12, 2017 / 8:38 pm

      Neither would I, he drives me mad but he’s incredible! Thank you for commenting x

  9. March 7, 2017 / 5:53 pm

    You’re certainly right about disguising the nagging as gentle instruction, even when I’m at the end of my tether I try and phrase things in a gentle encouraging way or I know he will just switch off!! I don’t always manage it but I try!:)

    mainy

    #KCACOLS

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 12, 2017 / 8:37 pm

      Thank you for commenting. If I don’t gently instruct I’m asked what he should do anyway! So there’s proof he needs it! x

  10. March 9, 2017 / 8:46 pm

    We give up our bodies, our mental health lol and sometimes our careers and Daddy is always where the fun is at lol.

    Love this. Happy Anniversary

    #KCACOLS

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 12, 2017 / 8:36 pm

      Thank you! I know! x

  11. March 10, 2017 / 7:42 am

    This is such a lovely post. Thanks for sharing it on #blogcrush.
    What I will never understand is WHY they put rubbish/empty packets etc on the counter above the dustbin! Why? Just pull it out and throw the rubbish in. My kids do it too so it much be genetic but it drives me crazy. But I just keep quiet. It’s not worth the fight.

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      March 12, 2017 / 8:35 pm

      Oh that’s lovely! They are good ‘ens really! x

  12. March 10, 2017 / 10:56 pm

    Just spot on! I was nodding my head all along this post! So true that they don’t have much sympathy for us poor mummies at home LOL.It’s hard to get up at 8.30am when papa is already at work. But you are also right saying that it is beautiful to see them becoming dads. And how come we don’t exits anymore when they enter the room! So rude! Literally, when Grumpy Boyfriend turns up, Baba has only eyes for him when I have been taking care of him all day! Fab pic of you two by the way! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.

  13. March 11, 2017 / 9:32 pm

    I’ll have been married 10 years this year (crazy!) and still feel like I’m learning about men and marriage! Loved reading this though, so many true points! x #KCACOLS

  14. March 12, 2017 / 9:26 pm

    I think the road rage is a given with all men lol!
    #KCACOLS

  15. March 14, 2017 / 9:02 am

    Definitely with you on the sleep deprivation being the root of all arguments! #KCACOLS

  16. March 16, 2017 / 12:52 pm

    Carl and Ryan are like two peas in pod!! I have to hind the biscotti biscuits so that Ryan can’t give them to Rory before his breakfast!!! Very funny read #KCACOLS

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