Becoming a parent brings a whole host of newness – new baby (obv), new clothes, furniture, decor, routine, vocab…yep, you read correctly. Lately I found all kinds of bizarre words and phrases flowing out of my mouth like milk from a bottle that my pre-motherhood self may have shot more than an eye-roll at:
- ‘Has he done a poo?’ ‘ Was it a big one?’ ‘Was it hard?’ ‘Did it have bits in it?’ – Can you imagine asking anyone else for a detailed description of their fecal matter? And worse – in ear shot of anyone and everyone. Or directly to baby – ‘Have you done a stinky poo?’
- ‘Don’t eat the rug’
- ‘Is he still breathing?’ Again, who else do you ask this about on a daily basis?
- ‘Dogs are for stroking not for licking’
- ‘You’ve just piddled in the bath so don’t try to drink it’ – ’cause you know, it’s ok to drink if it’s free of urine…
- ‘Is that yummy, yummy in your tummy?’ – said with a huge smile to encourage a positive response to all the vegetables.
- ‘Five little ducks went swimming one day, over the hill and far away, Mother duck said, ‘QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK’ but only three litt… I mean… four little ducks came back.’ I’m sleep deprived, ok? I must make more effort to remember where I’m up to or the poor boy doesn’t stand a chance where numeracy is concerned.
- ‘You sit there while Mummy has a wee.’ *places bouncer in front of the toilet*
And the last few, in dedication to the mobile baby nappy change…
- ‘Don’t roll over, Mummy’s trying to change your nappy’
- ‘Noooo… don’t put your feet in the poo!’
- ‘Don’t undo your nappy, we don’t want poo poo and wee wee everywhere!’ (although it’s so difficult to get a nappy on these days sometimes I feel like cleaning up would be the easier option…)