Things Babies Do That Aren’t Very Nice.

Muhahahaha, Mummy and Daddy are such suckers

Muhahahaha, Mummy and Daddy are such suckers.

Another day, another list…Today I’m talking about the things babies do that if anyone else did you’d probably want to throttle them.
Someone once told me that the reason babies are cute is to make us simple grown-ups want to look after them i.e. NOT throttle them. If anyone knows if this is actually true please comment away. Anyway, off we go…

  1. Probably the most obvious one, so I’ll get it out of the way first – keeping you up at night. I actually don’t mind a few night wakings. My paranoid mind often works overtime in the night (shocking, I know) and I find it reassuring. Waking up in the night and refusing to go back to sleep, I’m not so much of a fan.
  2. They can’t stand to see you enjoying a warm meal or beverage and make it their life’s mission to ensure all of your coffee and food is enjoyed cold. Living on salad may be good for a post baby waistline, but delicious it is not. Nor will a cold drink perk you up after they’ve stolen all your sleep.
  3. They get overexcited and hit you in the face. As far as I’m aware, dealing with common assault doesn’t feature in any parenting manual.
  4. Poo on you, wee on you, throw up on you… What is it about baby waste that is significantly less gross than adult waste? I’d be traumatized if I got adult poo on my hand and probably want to chop it off and throw it in the steriliser. Baby poo on my hand and I’m good to go with the flick of a baby wipe – obviously I always wash my hands, but more because I like to exercise good hygiene, rather than feeling a compulsive need to.
  5. They pull your hair – really socially unacceptable. Especially when you’re already suffering a little post partum hair loss. My head needs every one of those bad boys.
  6. They have not one ounce of patience. They decide they want something and expect it there and then. Any cry louder, and louder, and louder… until they get what they want, no matter where you are.
  7. Dictate your wardrobe choices. Be it saying goodbye to breast-feeding unfriendly tops, wearing white or accepting that skirts and dresses have to be below the knee to avoid flashing your bum when you have to bend down. Which happens alot.
  8. They make you feel guilty for EVERYTHING.
  9. Taking all your money. Clothes they grow out of every few months, milk, toys, high chairs, prams, car seats and other such items that demonstrate such ineffective cost-per-use they make a Mulberry look like a steal.
  10. They take over all your space with their stuff and it’s all in bright, garish colours and doesn’t go with your carefully considered decor.
  11. They make you fall so in love with them that none of the above even matters as long as they’re happy. Wrapped around their chubby little fingers aren’t we?

If you enjoyed this list check out my others – here, here and here.

Do you have anything to add?

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32 Comments

  1. August 2, 2016 / 8:11 pm

    Oh I agree with number 3, and it only gets worse with age. My almost 2 and a half year old headbutted me in the face this evening going in for a hug. I imagine I’ll wake up with two black eyes in the morning. #mmbc

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 2, 2016 / 8:57 pm

      Oh painful! I got a headbutt this morning. He’s only 6 months and solid too, it hurt me and he didn’t flinch! x

  2. August 3, 2016 / 5:49 am

    Babies are horrible really aren’t they? Haha. It’s lucky they’re so flipping adorable! #bloggerclubuk

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:18 pm

      Supposedly it’s a survival tactic that they’re so cute! Thank you for your comment! x

  3. August 3, 2016 / 6:51 am

    Haha your right they are little antisocial balls of confusion. #bloggersclubuk

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:17 pm

      Very! Thank you for your comment! x

  4. August 3, 2016 / 10:43 am

    God, yes, I am constantly being elbowed, stood on, climbed on. Just.get.off. me. also yes stop taking all my money #bloggerclubuk

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:13 pm

      I doubt they’ll ever stop taking all our money! Thank you for your comment! x

  5. August 3, 2016 / 11:20 am

    Haha! Yes to all of that!
    I get the odd slap across the chops too, and more times than most he goes straight in for my eyebrow ring, it’s just too shiny 🙂

    Thanks so much for joining in with #MMBC. Hope to see you next week xx

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:12 pm

      Oooh! I bet that can be painful! Thank you for hosting! x

  6. August 3, 2016 / 1:01 pm

    I really enjoyed this post. It gave me the smile I needed today. I don’t even remember the last time I had a hot meal to myself without my 19 month old wading in and helping herself. The hair. Oh my goodness, socially and humanly unacceptable but does this stop them? Nope. Babies/toddlers definitely have their own set of rules and things that are deemed as all hunky dory. #BloggerClubUK

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:12 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment, I’m so glad you liked it! Imagine if we all lived our lives by baby rules?! x

  7. August 3, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    Yes. The face slap that means I love you. There it is !

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:10 pm

      I hope it means ‘I love you!’ Thank you for your comment! x

  8. Nige
    August 3, 2016 / 6:38 pm

    Haha great funny post really enjoyed reading #bloggerclubuk

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 3, 2016 / 9:10 pm

      Thank you! x

  9. August 4, 2016 / 10:54 am

    Love this – I couldn’t agree more! My little lady is currently assaulting me increasingly these days…I can only assume she doesn’t mean it but it does make me wonder! #stayclassymama

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 4, 2016 / 10:32 pm

      Thank you very much! I hope they don’t mean it as they’re only going to get bigger! x

  10. August 4, 2016 / 12:04 pm

    Dictate where you go to eat as you can only go to child friendly places now ! #bloggerclubuk

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 4, 2016 / 10:31 pm

      Yes! I’ve written off a few of my old favourites! Thank you! x

  11. August 4, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    Babies are mean…toddlers even more so! Ha ha I can totally believe the fact about them being cute! Great post as always! #stayclassymama

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 4, 2016 / 10:30 pm

      Thank you! x

  12. August 4, 2016 / 7:32 pm

    They poke your eyes out when you’re trying to encourage them to sleep. Edith is vicious!

    Great list.

    #StayClassyMama

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 4, 2016 / 10:30 pm

      Thank you! x

  13. August 5, 2016 / 2:51 pm

    hehe and it extends past baby years – well here anyway. I still don’t sleep, I still eat cold meals and I still spend all my money on cr*p ! #stayclassymama

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 6, 2016 / 10:31 am

      Thank you for your comment! I’m resigned to never sleeping again I think! X

  14. August 7, 2016 / 8:25 pm

    You forgot steal your space in bed! At just 5 weeks old our little one has learnt how to turn 90 degrees in our bed so he takes up as much room as he possibly can. I’m hopeful we can get him to start sleeping in his moses for longer periods to relieve us of his bed space stealing.

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 8, 2016 / 2:46 pm

      Haha, I forgot that one. Babies are born thieves aren’t they… money, sleep, time, space! x

  15. August 9, 2016 / 6:52 am

    The hitting the face and pulling the hair thing is getting very, very annoying! This is a recent development for my 7 month old so I guess I just have to get used to it (like everything else I hope this is just a phase!). I agree with every single point on this list, the sleeping issue is really getting to me recently as I’m back at work but I’m exhausted all. The. Time. Haha! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 9, 2016 / 8:42 pm

      Thank you! I feel for you, I feel like I’ve adjusted to life at home with a baby. Working is a whole new ball game! I’m sure its just another period of adjustment and it will get better! x

    • Now my Name is Mummy
      August 11, 2016 / 9:30 pm

      Haha, I’ve not reached that stage yet but I didn’t get a hand clawing at my mouth today! x

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