When you become a mum for the first time, not only do you acquire a feeling of love towards your baby you never thought possible, you also acquire a feeling of guilt that follows you around everywhere.
I think it’s about time we gave ourselves a break. So every Friday I’ll be shaking off something I feel #mumguilt for with my new ‘It’s ok…‘ series. So here goes….
Remembering we love each other on our first date in six months.
It’s ok if you go out on a date with your husband / boyfriend / partner once in a while. My husband and I went out on our first date in six months last Saturday and had a blast. I felt tremendously guilty for leaving our son with his Nanan (who’s amazing with him!) so we could go and have some fun without him. But it was just what we needed after six months of being just parents, rather than husband and wife. It reminded us why we’re in the position that we’re in, we still like each other and we enjoy each others company. For a few hours it felt like it did before we became parents, which is why we became parents in the first place. So it’s ok to go out sans baby once in a while. It’s actually good for baby. Happy parents = happy baby and isn’t that every parent’s goal anyway?
If you have read any of my previous posts, or you know me, you might have noticed that I’m an out and out worrier. In order to ease my worries I often turn to Google (ignoring my own advice!). Just to paint a little picture for any first time readers, here are a few examples of past behaviours:
- Sitting at my desk at work pre-baby, taking part in a detailed, work related discussion and suddenly develop an overwhelming feeling that I didn’t turn the hair straighteners off. Drenched in panic sweat, I interrupt and tell them I have to go home because I think I’ve left the straighteners on. I go home, and find the straighteners off, and away in the cupboard.
- Again, pre baby, on the way to work a delivery driver swore at me because I politely asked him to move his van so I could pass through the road. I sent an angry email to the company director to inform them of his down right rude and anti social behaviour. Then spent the rest of the morning worrying what might happen to the drivers’ children if he lost his job so sent another email asking that he not be sacked, as I was willing to forgive him and write off the incident as an ‘off day’, assuring the director that his actions had not negatively impacted my opinion of the delivery company in question.
- Spent my the entirety of my holiday in Greece last year worrying if the flight / Greek food / being in the sun / being in the pool might have caused harm to my unborn baby.
I research EVERYTHING I do when it comes to Henry, so I can be as confident as possible in the decisions I make. I read three books about weaning and when we started felt fully armed and raring to go. I was going to mix up puree and baby led weaning and start with some mushed sweet potato to wet his appetite, then give him some chunks of avocado, bread and broccoli to munch on. As it happens I’m yet to give him any food to hold and chew on because I’m terrified of him choking, despite several books assuring me that he’ll be fine. I think he’ll also prefer to nibble on whole foods as the small chunks of avocado, banana and strawberry have been the most well received.
For some reason I’m also reluctant to give him anything but porridge, veg and fruit. On the way home from a walk today I decided to grow a pair of weaning balls and buy some normal foods that normal people eat.. bread, cheese, yoghurt. I got to the supermarket and wandered around aimlessly staring at the aisles. I studied the labels on the bread loaves and broke into a sweat about the salt levels. Should I buy white or brown? I decided to give up on bread and perused the cheese and found the same issue. Bloody salt. I gave up and bought a sweet potato. On the bright side, Henry LOVES those baby carriers that are built into supermarket trolleys. Although his persistence in trying to chew the straps despite covering them with a blanket just added another thing to my list of worries…oh the germs!
If anyone has any weaning words of wisdom please share. Alternatively if you want to pop round and give me a slap around the face and tell me to get a grip, that would probably be more appropriate.
Partners in crime from a day old
Because I just can’t seem to get enough of list making, here’s another. One of the drawbacks of life as a new parent are the annoying habits your partner
suddenly picks up always had but you no longer have as much patience for. Disclaimer: I love my husband very much and he is an amazing Daddy, this list is obviously made in jest.
- After a rough night spent up with baby, the morning comes and he claims he was up as much as you were. Despite the fact you could SEE HIM ASLEEP NEXT TO YOU.
- He spends an hour on the toilet. Why do men do this??
- After a long day with a cranky baby, Daddy walks through the door to smiles and giggles.
- The first noises baby makes that sound remotely word like are ‘Dada’. Daddy thinks he’s the favourite.
- Just as you manage to get baby to sleep, Daddy turns over and makes the bed bounce so violently it wakes him up again.
- Sits your 6 week old baby in his bouncer in front of Sin City while you have a bath. When you ask what he’s doing he replies ‘babies like to look at black and white don’t they?’. Wait…is it just me who’s experienced this?
- Suggests you visit the parents after he’s had a night out because he knows the grandparents are so in love with their new grandchild he’ll get off scott free, and he’ll lap up the sympathy for his self induced headache.
- He snores and wakes everyone up.
- Puts water in the steriliser but doesn’t switch it on. No sterile bottles + hungry baby = 5 minutes of FUN.
- After he’s snoozed all night long, wakes up and says, ‘he slept through last night didn’t he?’. Err, no.. YOU slept through last night.
Do you have any annoying habits to add to the list?
Asleep in bed, just not his bed.
Oh naptime. Restorative for baby, refreshing for Mummy but oh so tricky. For months Henry would only nap in the car or the pram. My attempts to get him to nap in his crib would go something like this…
He starts to gaze into the distance, rubbing his eyes and yawning. I whip him into his crib and endeavour to put him to sleep. The mere action of putting him into his bed sends him into hysterics, and so back out he comes. Do the whole shush-pat routine until his eyes close again and attempt to put him into bed, as the books say, ‘sleepy but awake’ (what does that even mean?!) Hysteria ensues again and so back out he comes. Repeat the whole charade 74 times, at which point give in because it’s feed time.
Six months in and we’re finally getting somewhere. We have a morning nap, around 10.30-11 most days and an afternoon nap at around 2.30. Both only tend to last around 30 minutes but he sleeps pretty well during the night (most of the time) so I can live with that. However, in order to get to this point we’ve developed a boob shaped sleep association, I’m told this isn’t a good thing, but since it soothes and comforts him I don’t really see an issue. Plus I have (albeit very small) boobs. I don’t have much patience…
I’ve decided to make this a Monday morning ‘thing’, mainly because I’m a bit weird and I like to be able to remember exactly what I was doing this time last week / year / month / decade and so these posts will serve me that purpose. Also *YAY* for my first post with an actual picture!
Despite Daddy working all day on Saturday we’ve had a really lovely weekend. On Saturday Hen & I went for a late breakfast with one of my best friends, followed by a lovely walk around town where we discovered a vegan food shop. I’m not a vegan, but I have given up refined sugar and so was pretty excited to find that they sold Ombar – a yummy refined sugar free chocolate.
I’ll skip past the fact that it costs £1.99 for a teeny 35g. We spent the rest of the day in the garden watching our feral pug torture the neighbours.
Clearly wired from all the vegan-shop-excitement, Henry was up pretty much every hour on Saturday night, which left us pretty bleary eyed yesterday morning. I generally find that the best thing to do after a bad night is to
argue with your husband about who is the most tired dust yourself off and get out, which is what we did, enjoying a delightful brunch with Henry’s soon-to-be Godparents and their beautiful daughter – our Goddaughter – like a big, happy Godfamily at Depot Bakery. We had a catch up and munched on eggs in various forms while the babies *ahem* ‘entertained’ our fellow diners with Halilit instruments. Later on in the day Henry’s other soon-to-be Godparents, who are about to spend the next ten months travelling the world, came to visit, which was just lovely, and may have included some slightly naughty grub.
Maternity leave has allowed me to truly appreciate Sundays, without anxiety about the working week ahead and I think these are the ones I’ll always look back fondly on. Henry is growing so quickly and I like to make sure we spend our weekends wisely.
What did you do this weekend? I’m always on the lookout for some weekend inspiration!